1 00:00:03,643 --> 00:00:05,007 I don't know how I did it, 2 00:00:05,008 --> 00:00:06,970 but I'm actually dating a real, 3 00:00:06,971 --> 00:00:10,166 honest-to-goodness normo. 4 00:00:10,167 --> 00:00:12,628 Sometimes I feel like I'm dreaming... 5 00:00:12,629 --> 00:00:14,957 because most of the guys have been awful. 6 00:00:14,958 --> 00:00:16,256 Okay. You're real. 7 00:00:16,257 --> 00:00:17,986 What about the guy that hated your son? 8 00:00:17,987 --> 00:00:19,451 Ooh, one-night stand that cleaned out 9 00:00:19,452 --> 00:00:20,782 - your medicine cabinet. - Ah, ah. 10 00:00:20,783 --> 00:00:21,946 We only talk about the good ones. 11 00:00:21,947 --> 00:00:23,345 Those were the good ones. 12 00:00:23,346 --> 00:00:25,441 Look, the point is, I'm with Ben now, 13 00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:27,438 so I don't have to think about these weirdos and losers 14 00:00:27,439 --> 00:00:28,470 - ever again. - That's true. 15 00:00:28,471 --> 00:00:30,067 "Weirdos and losers"? 16 00:00:30,068 --> 00:00:31,232 Which one am I? 17 00:00:31,233 --> 00:00:33,329 Oh, my God. 18 00:00:33,330 --> 00:00:34,560 - Oh, my God! - Hi, Jamie. 19 00:00:34,561 --> 00:00:35,891 - Hi. - You know, I never thought 20 00:00:35,892 --> 00:00:38,155 you were a weirdo, so you must be one of the losers. 21 00:00:38,156 --> 00:00:39,419 No. 22 00:00:39,420 --> 00:00:40,717 Welcome to the club, my brothah. 23 00:00:40,718 --> 00:00:42,248 - Yes... - No, you're not a loser. 24 00:00:42,249 --> 00:00:43,313 Hey, you don't have to hug him, it's okay. 25 00:00:43,314 --> 00:00:44,544 Hey, stop! Stop, stop, stop. 26 00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,209 - Oh, my God, Jamie, Jamie. - Help. 27 00:01:03,450 --> 00:01:04,646 It's just been such a long time. 28 00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:06,144 Isn't it weird that I still look the same? 29 00:01:06,145 --> 00:01:07,508 I'm great, thanks for asking. 30 00:01:07,509 --> 00:01:09,206 I actually stopped teaching Latin 31 00:01:09,207 --> 00:01:11,036 so I can focus on writing novels full-time. 32 00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:12,601 - That is very cool. - Wow. 33 00:01:12,602 --> 00:01:15,196 My debut mystery thriller, "The Cicero Paradox," 34 00:01:15,197 --> 00:01:16,595 has now spent ten weeks 35 00:01:16,596 --> 00:01:18,092 on "The New York Times" Bestsellers list. 36 00:01:18,093 --> 00:01:20,555 It's about an ex-Latin professor named James Trowell 37 00:01:20,556 --> 00:01:22,918 who travels the world solving religious mysteries, 38 00:01:22,919 --> 00:01:25,314 puzzles, and ciphers, but no codes. 39 00:01:25,315 --> 00:01:27,743 I'll check that out the minute I finish this tweet I'm reading. 40 00:01:27,744 --> 00:01:28,742 - Yeah. - Oh. 41 00:01:28,743 --> 00:01:30,006 God, I'm so embarrassed. 42 00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:31,504 What, you fart? You can do it on the subway. 43 00:01:31,505 --> 00:01:32,702 - It's allowed. - No, that. 44 00:01:32,703 --> 00:01:33,734 Didn't know that was gonna be there. 45 00:01:33,735 --> 00:01:34,732 Oh, my God! 46 00:01:34,733 --> 00:01:36,297 - You looking good. - Thank you. 47 00:01:36,298 --> 00:01:37,861 Dude, your eyes are hella blue. 48 00:01:37,862 --> 00:01:39,559 Did they make them more blue in post? 49 00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,156 No, I don't understand, but that was actually 50 00:01:41,157 --> 00:01:42,786 a black-and-white photograph 51 00:01:42,787 --> 00:01:44,783 and my eyes were so blue that it just came out that way. 52 00:01:44,784 --> 00:01:46,115 So how are things with Lucy? 53 00:01:46,116 --> 00:01:47,812 Not great. We broke up. 54 00:01:47,813 --> 00:01:49,176 Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. 55 00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:50,940 She was nice, and she had a great rack. 56 00:01:50,941 --> 00:01:53,603 Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, I think about her a lot. 57 00:01:53,604 --> 00:01:56,099 So anyway, in the ensuing depression, I went to Rome. 58 00:01:56,100 --> 00:01:58,328 Was gonna blow my brains out in the middle of the Coliseum. 59 00:01:58,329 --> 00:02:00,492 At the very last second, I had an epiphany, 60 00:02:00,493 --> 00:02:02,523 decided to write this book and, 61 00:02:02,524 --> 00:02:05,317 as they say in Latin, ad Astra per aspera. 62 00:02:05,318 --> 00:02:07,648 "A rough road leads to the stars." 63 00:02:07,648 --> 00:02:09,578 - That is beautiful. - I don't understand. 64 00:02:09,579 --> 00:02:10,775 What about you? Are you seeing anyone? 65 00:02:10,776 --> 00:02:11,974 I am, actually. 66 00:02:11,975 --> 00:02:14,171 His name is Ben and he works as a... 67 00:02:14,172 --> 00:02:15,602 we work at the hospital together. 68 00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:16,900 Yeah, and, also, 69 00:02:16,901 --> 00:02:18,231 he's a friggin' hottie. 70 00:02:18,232 --> 00:02:20,993 I'm talking ssssss! 71 00:02:20,994 --> 00:02:22,823 Well, he sounds great. I'm really happy for you. 72 00:02:22,824 --> 00:02:23,988 - Thank you. - You know what? 73 00:02:23,989 --> 00:02:25,386 My editor's throwing a book party tonight. 74 00:02:25,387 --> 00:02:26,917 Why don't you and Ben 75 00:02:26,918 --> 00:02:28,548 and everyone come by, if you're free. 76 00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,744 I'm sorry, am I "everyone"? 77 00:02:30,745 --> 00:02:33,241 Yeah. 78 00:02:33,242 --> 00:02:36,435 It's a pretty good guest list. Salman Rushdie just RSVP'd. 79 00:02:36,436 --> 00:02:37,867 Whoa. Salman Rushdie. 80 00:02:37,868 --> 00:02:41,395 Isn't there a financial reward for whoever turns him... 81 00:02:41,396 --> 00:02:43,125 You know what? Never mind. 82 00:02:43,126 --> 00:02:44,457 - Sounds great. - Great. 83 00:02:44,458 --> 00:02:45,854 - We're there. - Thanks, great to see you. 84 00:02:45,855 --> 00:02:47,119 See you later, bye... Oh. We hugged. 85 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:48,284 We already hugged. Yeah, I got it. 86 00:02:48,285 --> 00:02:49,948 Hey, Morgan, get me the information 87 00:02:49,949 --> 00:02:52,244 - for the Ayatollah. - Okay. 88 00:02:52,245 --> 00:02:54,873 - Oh, my God! - I can't... It's so exciting! 89 00:02:54,874 --> 00:02:55,872 It's really exciting. 90 00:02:55,873 --> 00:02:57,270 - Pfffft! - Everyone! 91 00:02:57,271 --> 00:02:59,965 Everyone, gather around... we have huge news. 92 00:02:59,966 --> 00:03:02,162 Oh, did the earring you swallowed come out? 93 00:03:02,163 --> 00:03:05,823 Got invited to a book party! 94 00:03:05,824 --> 00:03:07,753 Whoa, whoa, whoa! 95 00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:10,549 My ex Jamie wrote a hella fancy book. 96 00:03:10,550 --> 00:03:12,479 It's called "The Sicily Parachute." 97 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,742 Whoa! You mean "The Cicero Paradox." 98 00:03:16,141 --> 00:03:18,004 "Time Out London" called it "a spine-tingling journey 99 00:03:18,005 --> 00:03:19,535 through the language of our past." 100 00:03:19,536 --> 00:03:21,465 Ugh, that book sounds hella white. 101 00:03:21,466 --> 00:03:23,162 And I read all of Updike. 102 00:03:23,163 --> 00:03:25,326 More like, "Rabbit Run" out of ideas. 103 00:03:25,327 --> 00:03:28,055 I'm gonna come dressed as Signore Sinistro, 104 00:03:28,056 --> 00:03:30,485 the evil cardinal with a milky right eye. 105 00:03:30,486 --> 00:03:33,047 Yeah, I've already got the red cape. 106 00:03:33,048 --> 00:03:34,511 Oh, Anna, do you want to come? 107 00:03:34,512 --> 00:03:35,809 - You can. - Oh, I'm actually 108 00:03:35,810 --> 00:03:41,667 already going. I'm friends with Janet Maslin. 109 00:03:41,668 --> 00:03:45,461 Book critic for "The New York Times." 110 00:03:45,462 --> 00:03:47,558 It's hard to name drop around here. 111 00:03:47,559 --> 00:03:49,388 Anyway, I think Ben is gonna have a great time. 112 00:03:49,389 --> 00:03:51,218 He loves reading. Nerd. 113 00:03:51,219 --> 00:03:53,648 Dr. L, you can't take your new boyfriend 114 00:03:53,649 --> 00:03:55,279 to your old boyfriend's party. 115 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:57,508 - What, why? - Because Jamie's being feted 116 00:03:57,509 --> 00:03:59,139 by the publishing elite, 117 00:03:59,140 --> 00:04:01,768 and basic-ass Ben is gonna be uncomfortable. 118 00:04:01,769 --> 00:04:04,165 It'll be like when I took Ray Ron to my ex's inauguration. 119 00:04:04,166 --> 00:04:05,430 It wasn't cute. 120 00:04:05,431 --> 00:04:06,628 Ben isn't the kind of guy 121 00:04:06,629 --> 00:04:07,892 who's threatened by that kind of stuff. 122 00:04:07,893 --> 00:04:09,623 Also, he does not care what people think. 123 00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:11,386 He wears a free T-shirt from the bank. 124 00:04:11,387 --> 00:04:12,618 Buona notte. 125 00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:16,745 Has anyone seen my poison candelabra? 126 00:04:16,746 --> 00:04:18,276 Whoa! Hey! 127 00:04:18,277 --> 00:04:19,341 - Dude, come on! - Dude, come on! 128 00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:20,572 Who's gonna clean up all those pencils? 129 00:04:20,573 --> 00:04:22,137 Who's gonna clean up all those pencils? 130 00:04:22,138 --> 00:04:23,601 Could you please 131 00:04:23,602 --> 00:04:25,165 - clean it up, Morgan? - You should do that. 132 00:04:25,166 --> 00:04:27,561 Of course I'm going to. It was re-he-torical. 133 00:04:27,562 --> 00:04:29,092 The ancient riddle itself 134 00:04:29,093 --> 00:04:31,222 had befuddled Classics scholars for centuries, 135 00:04:31,223 --> 00:04:33,685 and now James had to solve it 136 00:04:33,686 --> 00:04:35,515 while being chased by a gang 137 00:04:35,516 --> 00:04:37,079 of Albanian mercenaries. 138 00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,308 "A cat and a comb," he pondered, 139 00:04:40,309 --> 00:04:41,872 his brow furrowed intelligently. 140 00:04:41,873 --> 00:04:43,736 "A cat and a comb, a cat and a comb. 141 00:04:43,737 --> 00:04:44,834 It doesn't make any sense." 142 00:04:44,835 --> 00:04:47,264 You can do it, James! 143 00:04:47,265 --> 00:04:48,728 "To the catacombs." 144 00:04:50,293 --> 00:04:52,988 End... of... chapter. 145 00:04:52,989 --> 00:04:54,985 - Oh. - Oh. 146 00:04:54,986 --> 00:04:57,847 This is a bestseller? 147 00:04:57,848 --> 00:04:59,045 Hey, what did you think of the book? 148 00:04:59,046 --> 00:05:00,676 It's not bad. 149 00:05:00,677 --> 00:05:02,506 Probably could use some fact-checking, though. 150 00:05:02,507 --> 00:05:04,270 I'm pretty sure you can't have a canal chase 151 00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:05,501 from Venice to Rome. 152 00:05:05,502 --> 00:05:07,266 Oh, no, there's canals all over Spain. 153 00:05:07,267 --> 00:05:08,763 Okay, I'm just gonna tousle your hair 154 00:05:08,764 --> 00:05:10,028 so I can introduce you to Jamie. 155 00:05:10,029 --> 00:05:11,692 - Okay. - 'Kay, there. 156 00:05:11,693 --> 00:05:12,724 - Good? - You look good, yeah, let's go. 157 00:05:12,725 --> 00:05:13,822 All right. 158 00:05:18,682 --> 00:05:22,541 Wow. Gillian Flynn. I am such a fan. 159 00:05:22,542 --> 00:05:24,738 You should read my fan fiction for "Gone Girl." 160 00:05:24,739 --> 00:05:26,801 In my version, Amy fakes her own kidnapping 161 00:05:26,802 --> 00:05:28,099 to frame Nick. 162 00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:31,128 That is exactly what happens in my book. 163 00:05:31,129 --> 00:05:32,526 You know, I think I kind of 164 00:05:32,527 --> 00:05:34,323 captured the characters a little bit better than you did. 165 00:05:34,324 --> 00:05:35,454 You gotta read it. I'll send it to you. 166 00:05:35,455 --> 00:05:36,519 Just give me your email. 167 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,417 Wait, wait, what's Ben Affleck like? 168 00:05:38,418 --> 00:05:40,147 My husband tells me 169 00:05:40,148 --> 00:05:41,678 I should make small talk with work colleagues. 170 00:05:41,679 --> 00:05:43,076 Would you like to join me in that? 171 00:05:43,077 --> 00:05:45,040 Um, okay. Sure. 172 00:05:45,041 --> 00:05:46,637 Must be nice dating a nurse. 173 00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,901 My husband never has time to go to parties. 174 00:05:48,902 --> 00:05:51,695 He's so busy running his hedge fund that when he comes home 175 00:05:51,696 --> 00:05:53,692 all we have time to do is have passionate sex. 176 00:05:53,693 --> 00:05:55,091 Then he goes to bed 177 00:05:55,092 --> 00:05:57,287 and I weigh my food for the next day. 178 00:05:57,288 --> 00:05:59,251 Ben sure does have a lot of free time. 179 00:05:59,252 --> 00:06:01,181 What's important is that you're fine 180 00:06:01,182 --> 00:06:03,776 with who Ben is. 181 00:06:03,777 --> 00:06:05,407 Okay. That feels sufficient. 182 00:06:05,408 --> 00:06:08,203 I'm going to go talk to Graydon Carter. 183 00:06:08,204 --> 00:06:11,198 Editor of "Vanity Fair." 184 00:06:11,199 --> 00:06:12,264 Jesus Christ. 185 00:06:12,265 --> 00:06:15,891 I'm sorry, I ju... Okay. 186 00:06:17,389 --> 00:06:19,685 - Jamie, I'm such a big fan. - Oh, thank you. 187 00:06:19,686 --> 00:06:21,349 Uh, you probably know me on the message boards 188 00:06:21,350 --> 00:06:22,714 as "TrowellSlut." 189 00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,078 I came up with the theory 190 00:06:24,079 --> 00:06:26,242 that you based your main character on yourself. 191 00:06:26,243 --> 00:06:27,573 You know, a lot of people think that, 192 00:06:27,574 --> 00:06:28,971 but we're actually quite different. 193 00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:31,234 For example, James is right-handed, 194 00:06:31,235 --> 00:06:33,231 whereas I am ambidextrous. 195 00:06:33,232 --> 00:06:35,394 Well, that really resonates with me, 196 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,424 because I am neither-handed. 197 00:06:37,425 --> 00:06:39,221 And it was very difficult growing up. 198 00:06:39,222 --> 00:06:41,052 And look at you now. 199 00:06:41,053 --> 00:06:42,649 Carpe that Diem. 200 00:06:42,650 --> 00:06:44,280 Morg... don't. 201 00:06:44,281 --> 00:06:46,310 You don't want to do that, dude. 202 00:06:46,311 --> 00:06:47,707 It's okay. 203 00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:49,671 - Nice to talk to you. - He's a big fan. 204 00:06:49,672 --> 00:06:51,668 So, Ben, Mindy tells me that you are a doctor. 205 00:06:51,669 --> 00:06:53,632 I think that's really admirable. 206 00:06:53,633 --> 00:06:55,430 Uh, no, actually I'm a nurse. 207 00:06:55,431 --> 00:06:56,960 Oh, I... 208 00:06:56,961 --> 00:06:58,391 I'm so sorry, she said you worked together 209 00:06:58,392 --> 00:07:00,488 at the hospital and I just... made that leap. 210 00:07:00,489 --> 00:07:03,117 Nurse is a great profession as well. 211 00:07:03,118 --> 00:07:04,182 - Yeah. - In fact, 212 00:07:04,183 --> 00:07:05,646 I'm actually having my main character 213 00:07:05,647 --> 00:07:06,978 sleep with a nurse 214 00:07:06,979 --> 00:07:09,107 in my follow-up novel, "The Cato Codex." 215 00:07:09,108 --> 00:07:11,138 Where in a hospital 216 00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:13,201 would be a good place for that to happen? 217 00:07:13,202 --> 00:07:15,797 A room where no one else is? 218 00:07:15,798 --> 00:07:17,395 "A room 219 00:07:17,396 --> 00:07:19,924 where no one else is." 220 00:07:19,925 --> 00:07:21,255 I like that. 221 00:07:21,256 --> 00:07:23,984 I like that specificity. 222 00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,582 Happy to help. 223 00:07:25,583 --> 00:07:27,346 Wait, so you're both nurses? 224 00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:28,810 - Mm-hmm. - Well, that's my day job. 225 00:07:28,811 --> 00:07:30,741 I also have a sketch show on IFC. 226 00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:31,905 - Oh. - I can't believe 227 00:07:31,906 --> 00:07:34,168 I am meeting Cameron Winters 228 00:07:34,169 --> 00:07:36,065 from "The Today Show." 229 00:07:36,066 --> 00:07:37,929 Oh, my God, you're the guy Carson Daly 230 00:07:37,930 --> 00:07:40,758 and Willie Geist hate because you're so good looking. 231 00:07:40,759 --> 00:07:42,988 Well, thank you, but that's not true. 232 00:07:42,989 --> 00:07:44,785 They hate me because I come from money. 233 00:07:44,786 --> 00:07:46,549 Me too! 234 00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:48,646 - High five! - Yeah. 235 00:07:48,647 --> 00:07:50,043 Hey, you know, 236 00:07:50,044 --> 00:07:51,907 we're looking for a nurse for our show. 237 00:07:51,908 --> 00:07:53,870 We are doing a flu season segment, 238 00:07:53,871 --> 00:07:56,101 but we had to fire our regular on-air nurse. 239 00:07:56,102 --> 00:07:57,731 She crossed a line with Hoda. 240 00:07:57,732 --> 00:07:58,797 Oh. 241 00:07:58,798 --> 00:08:00,394 Yo, listen, Cameron, 242 00:08:00,395 --> 00:08:02,390 I could totally be your nurse. 243 00:08:02,391 --> 00:08:04,954 - I already have TV experience. - Oh. 244 00:08:04,955 --> 00:08:06,284 I was featured on "Sports Center" 245 00:08:06,285 --> 00:08:08,248 when I fell of the second deck at a Braves' game. 246 00:08:08,249 --> 00:08:09,680 She fell right on top of Hank Aaron. 247 00:08:09,681 --> 00:08:11,510 Pfft! 248 00:08:11,511 --> 00:08:12,941 - What about you? - Me? 249 00:08:12,942 --> 00:08:14,471 - Yeah. - Hell no. 250 00:08:14,472 --> 00:08:17,001 I don't want my first Emmy to be a daytime one. 251 00:08:17,002 --> 00:08:18,033 - Ha. - Eew! 252 00:08:18,034 --> 00:08:19,032 Who wants that? 253 00:08:20,996 --> 00:08:21,993 Hey, guys. 254 00:08:21,994 --> 00:08:23,457 Wasn't that party so much fun? 255 00:08:23,458 --> 00:08:24,988 It made me almost want to read a book. 256 00:08:24,989 --> 00:08:26,952 I'm kind of regretting that I went to that party, 257 00:08:26,953 --> 00:08:28,849 'cause now Cameron Winters won't stop texting me 258 00:08:28,850 --> 00:08:30,480 to be on "The Today Show." 259 00:08:30,481 --> 00:08:32,743 And I would, but I don't respond to thirst. 260 00:08:32,744 --> 00:08:34,507 Is it to model fall fashions for every shape? 261 00:08:34,508 --> 00:08:36,437 Why didn't he ask me? I'm every shape. 262 00:08:36,438 --> 00:08:37,669 No-no-no-no-no-no-no. 263 00:08:37,670 --> 00:08:39,267 They need a new on-air nurse. 264 00:08:39,268 --> 00:08:41,230 Oh, my God. You know who should do it? 265 00:08:41,231 --> 00:08:43,493 Ben. He oozes charisma. 266 00:08:43,494 --> 00:08:45,457 And he performs very well on camera. 267 00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,287 - Ooh. - Hidden camera. 268 00:08:47,288 --> 00:08:48,885 Thank you, Tamra. 269 00:08:50,483 --> 00:08:52,412 This is Cameron, reporting from New York. 270 00:08:52,413 --> 00:08:54,709 Oh, my God, is this the Cameron Winters? 271 00:08:54,710 --> 00:08:56,306 I didn't know I'd get you directly. 272 00:08:56,307 --> 00:08:57,571 Very funny, Savannah. 273 00:08:57,572 --> 00:08:58,869 Stop bullying me, okay? 274 00:08:58,870 --> 00:09:00,267 I'm documenting all of this. 275 00:09:00,268 --> 00:09:01,930 Oh... this isn't Savannah Guthrie. 276 00:09:01,931 --> 00:09:03,295 This is Dr. Mindy Lahiri. 277 00:09:03,296 --> 00:09:04,860 I met you at the book party last night. 278 00:09:04,861 --> 00:09:06,190 Oh, right, yeah, you were the one 279 00:09:06,191 --> 00:09:07,721 who was in the bathroom for an hour. 280 00:09:07,722 --> 00:09:08,953 Uh, the reason I'm calling is because 281 00:09:08,954 --> 00:09:10,417 I heard you need a new on-air nurse. 282 00:09:10,418 --> 00:09:12,913 I have the perfect guy. His name is Ben. 283 00:09:12,914 --> 00:09:15,109 Women want to sleep with him; men want to be him; 284 00:09:15,110 --> 00:09:17,140 and men want to sleep with his hot girlfriend. 285 00:09:17,141 --> 00:09:18,505 Well, I do need someone right away. 286 00:09:18,506 --> 00:09:19,503 Text me a photo of him. 287 00:09:19,504 --> 00:09:20,868 Okay, um... 288 00:09:22,599 --> 00:09:23,597 There. 289 00:09:24,696 --> 00:09:27,157 Okay, now send me one of his face. 290 00:09:27,158 --> 00:09:28,322 Oh. 291 00:09:28,323 --> 00:09:33,814 Well, I don't know if I have one. 292 00:09:33,815 --> 00:09:36,709 Two weeks ago. Month ago. 293 00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,939 Oh. There. 294 00:09:38,940 --> 00:09:40,603 He's perfect. 295 00:09:40,604 --> 00:09:42,101 Largely because I have no other options. 296 00:09:42,102 --> 00:09:43,598 We'll shoot at St. Brendan's. 297 00:09:43,599 --> 00:09:45,329 He needs to be there by 4:00 a.m. tomorrow. 298 00:09:45,330 --> 00:09:46,627 Oh, my God. 299 00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,923 Cameron, this is so exciting. You will not regret this. 300 00:09:48,924 --> 00:09:50,654 Okay, great. 301 00:09:50,655 --> 00:09:54,149 Bye. See you tomorrow. 302 00:09:54,150 --> 00:09:55,646 He's really in a jam. 303 00:09:55,647 --> 00:09:57,110 He seems like the coolest person. 304 00:09:58,476 --> 00:10:00,006 I don't know, what do you think? 305 00:10:00,007 --> 00:10:01,204 I don't know, Mindy. 306 00:10:01,205 --> 00:10:02,602 I don't really want to be on TV. 307 00:10:04,700 --> 00:10:06,130 Sorry, I thought you just said 308 00:10:06,131 --> 00:10:07,660 you didn't want to be on TV. 309 00:10:07,661 --> 00:10:09,059 That's exactly what I said. 310 00:10:09,060 --> 00:10:10,356 What's the matter with you? 311 00:10:10,357 --> 00:10:11,788 Are you out of your goddamn mind? 312 00:10:11,789 --> 00:10:13,252 What's the matter with you? 313 00:10:13,253 --> 00:10:14,783 This is the opportunity of a lifetime. 314 00:10:14,784 --> 00:10:16,314 I am so sorry, I shouldn't have hit you, 315 00:10:16,315 --> 00:10:18,610 but you shouldn't say hurtful things. 316 00:10:18,611 --> 00:10:20,241 Wait. 317 00:10:20,242 --> 00:10:21,772 Is there a warrant out for your arrest? 318 00:10:21,773 --> 00:10:23,137 No one will notice. 319 00:10:23,138 --> 00:10:24,767 [whispers All white guys look the same. 320 00:10:24,768 --> 00:10:26,498 Look, I love that you did this for me, 321 00:10:26,499 --> 00:10:28,096 I do, but it's not my thing. 322 00:10:28,097 --> 00:10:29,227 I'm not flashy. 323 00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:30,791 My only suit is from Costco. 324 00:10:30,792 --> 00:10:32,755 It's just... you're such a good nurse 325 00:10:32,756 --> 00:10:34,719 and you're so good with your patients, I... 326 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,149 I want other people to see that. 327 00:10:36,150 --> 00:10:39,311 You really want me to do this? 328 00:10:40,510 --> 00:10:42,672 Okay, fine, I'll do it for you. 329 00:10:42,673 --> 00:10:43,870 But you have to do something for me. 330 00:10:43,871 --> 00:10:45,635 Bring another woman into our bedroom? 331 00:10:45,636 --> 00:10:46,700 Sure. 332 00:10:46,701 --> 00:10:48,097 I was actually just gonna ask 333 00:10:48,098 --> 00:10:49,495 if you'd come with me tomorrow. 334 00:10:49,496 --> 00:10:51,527 But we can explore your thing. 335 00:10:56,218 --> 00:10:57,683 So, Cameron, these are really the three items that 336 00:10:57,684 --> 00:10:59,646 you need to keep in your house to stay healthy this winter. 337 00:10:59,647 --> 00:11:01,742 That's great, Nurse Ben. And what about for the kids? 338 00:11:01,743 --> 00:11:05,004 Do you have a fun rhyme to help them stay flu-free? 339 00:11:05,005 --> 00:11:07,134 A rhyme? 340 00:11:07,135 --> 00:11:09,331 Nope, just wash your hands 341 00:11:09,332 --> 00:11:10,828 and don't cough on people, dum-dums. 342 00:11:10,829 --> 00:11:11,960 Ha. 343 00:11:11,961 --> 00:11:14,156 Hard to get simpler than that. 344 00:11:14,157 --> 00:11:15,588 Now back to the studio 345 00:11:15,589 --> 00:11:17,218 where Savannah's gonna give us the lowdown 346 00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:19,547 on winter's hottest cold soups. 347 00:11:19,548 --> 00:11:20,712 And we're clear. 348 00:11:20,713 --> 00:11:23,043 Nice job. You're a natural. 349 00:11:23,043 --> 00:11:26,371 - I appreciate it. - Yeah, okay. 350 00:11:26,372 --> 00:11:27,535 - Hey! - Hey. 351 00:11:27,536 --> 00:11:29,233 - You were amazing! - Yeah? 352 00:11:29,234 --> 00:11:31,130 I cough on people all the time; now I'll never do it. 353 00:11:31,131 --> 00:11:32,328 - This was pretty fun. - You know what? 354 00:11:32,329 --> 00:11:33,759 We should celebrate. Let's go to the Guggenheim. 355 00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,457 Let's get some champagne. Let's have sex in the bathroom. 356 00:11:35,458 --> 00:11:37,053 Baby, it's 7:15 in the morning. 357 00:11:37,054 --> 00:11:38,684 I have to do my real job now. 358 00:11:38,685 --> 00:11:40,548 Oh. That's right. 359 00:11:40,549 --> 00:11:41,946 Forget it, plus, the Guggenheim bathrooms 360 00:11:41,947 --> 00:11:43,011 aren't even open till 10:00. 361 00:11:43,012 --> 00:11:44,343 I don't know why I know that. 362 00:11:44,344 --> 00:11:46,340 I'm not gonna ask. 363 00:11:46,341 --> 00:11:47,770 - See you, babe. - Bye. You were great. 364 00:11:47,771 --> 00:11:50,499 - Thank you. - You were great! 365 00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:52,197 Hey, everyone, stop everything you're doing. 366 00:11:52,198 --> 00:11:53,362 You have to see this. 367 00:11:53,363 --> 00:11:54,759 Ooh. 368 00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:57,156 It is pretty cool. 369 00:12:00,651 --> 00:12:02,480 Oh, my God. 370 00:12:02,481 --> 00:12:04,111 - Hey. - It's your dream. 371 00:12:04,112 --> 00:12:05,475 - You're dating a meme. - Yeah! 372 00:12:05,476 --> 00:12:08,139 And after you got so close with "Damn, Daniel." 373 00:12:08,140 --> 00:12:09,969 I know. I'm just so proud of Ben. 374 00:12:09,970 --> 00:12:12,798 It's like I'm a stage mom, but I can sex with the kid. 375 00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:14,296 Ben's segment was okay, 376 00:12:14,297 --> 00:12:16,659 but who gets on TV and misses a chance like that 377 00:12:16,660 --> 00:12:18,089 to yell "Bababooie!" 378 00:12:18,090 --> 00:12:19,354 That would be epic! 379 00:12:19,355 --> 00:12:20,985 Was it someone's birthday? 380 00:12:20,986 --> 00:12:22,649 My husband tells me at office gatherings I should 381 00:12:22,650 --> 00:12:25,245 accept a slice of cake as though I were going to eat it. 382 00:12:25,246 --> 00:12:28,307 Well, speaking of significant others, 383 00:12:28,308 --> 00:12:29,372 my boyfriend is America's 384 00:12:29,373 --> 00:12:33,465 - newest, hottest TV star. - Ooh! 385 00:12:33,466 --> 00:12:38,524 Everyone's really impressed. What do you think, Anna? 386 00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:39,955 Tim and I own a five-story townhouse 387 00:12:39,956 --> 00:12:45,180 in Notting Hill that sits empty. 388 00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:48,774 Well, since we're dishing about men we love, 389 00:12:48,775 --> 00:12:51,104 Jamie and I are officially best friends. 390 00:12:51,105 --> 00:12:52,735 Do you guys know Jamie? 391 00:12:52,736 --> 00:12:54,000 Of course, he's the author 392 00:12:54,001 --> 00:12:55,397 that invited us to the book launch. 393 00:12:55,398 --> 00:12:56,862 Anyways, we went for coffee, 394 00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:58,327 which turned into a full-on chill sesh, 395 00:12:58,328 --> 00:13:00,389 which turned into a full-on bitch sesh, 396 00:13:00,390 --> 00:13:02,652 which turned into a full-on pitch sesh. 397 00:13:02,653 --> 00:13:04,383 Went to the batting cages... Ah! 398 00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:05,948 Long story short, he is basing 399 00:13:05,949 --> 00:13:08,444 a sign-language monkey on me in his next book. 400 00:13:08,444 --> 00:13:10,208 I get killed by a dart in page one. 401 00:13:10,209 --> 00:13:11,971 Oh. 402 00:13:11,972 --> 00:13:13,802 - Oh. - Yeah. 403 00:13:13,803 --> 00:13:14,967 It's from Jamie. 404 00:13:14,968 --> 00:13:20,951 "Morgan, you're out of the book." 405 00:13:21,391 --> 00:13:26,981 - Hey... - It's quite a journey. 406 00:13:26,982 --> 00:13:29,045 Oh, my God. I am still buzzing. 407 00:13:29,046 --> 00:13:30,110 Everybody at work cannot stop talking 408 00:13:30,111 --> 00:13:31,474 about how great you were. 409 00:13:31,475 --> 00:13:33,870 Tamra said that she would consider sleeping with you. 410 00:13:33,871 --> 00:13:36,300 Do you realize how huge that is? 411 00:13:36,301 --> 00:13:37,331 - Ben? - Hm? 412 00:13:37,332 --> 00:13:38,330 - Ben! - Mm. 413 00:13:38,331 --> 00:13:39,861 Hey, man, you got to wake up. 414 00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,825 The only reason I got a reservation to this place 415 00:13:41,826 --> 00:13:43,322 is because I said I was with a celebrity. 416 00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,686 - Sorry. - You know what? In fact, 417 00:13:44,687 --> 00:13:46,317 take a picture of me so I can post it. 418 00:13:46,318 --> 00:13:48,115 - Get my Coke in the shot. - Right. 419 00:13:48,115 --> 00:13:50,611 Just my shirt. 420 00:13:51,676 --> 00:13:53,306 - Gorgeous. - Thank you. 421 00:13:53,307 --> 00:13:54,737 Eat your heart out, Selena Gomez. 422 00:13:54,738 --> 00:13:56,236 Sorry. 423 00:13:56,237 --> 00:13:58,133 I'm exhausted. I've been up since 3:00 a.m. 424 00:13:58,134 --> 00:14:00,063 Pediatrics was crazy today. 425 00:14:00,064 --> 00:14:01,560 Apparently, the raw bar at Spence 426 00:14:01,561 --> 00:14:03,058 wasn't properly refrigerated. 427 00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:04,921 Well, I have some news that's gonna cheer you up. 428 00:14:04,922 --> 00:14:06,552 Cameron called. He wants you to come back 429 00:14:06,553 --> 00:14:07,917 on "The Today Show" tomorrow 430 00:14:07,918 --> 00:14:09,614 to do, I think, a segment on moisturizing. 431 00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:11,212 Babe, I... 432 00:14:11,213 --> 00:14:12,776 I don't think I want to do another segment. 433 00:14:12,777 --> 00:14:14,207 I mean, part of me thinks if you're getting 434 00:14:14,208 --> 00:14:16,437 your medical information from a television show, 435 00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:18,035 you deserve to die. 436 00:14:18,036 --> 00:14:19,932 No, no, I already told him that you would do it, 437 00:14:19,933 --> 00:14:21,929 and I cannot be blackballed from another morning show. 438 00:14:21,930 --> 00:14:23,792 I burped so much in the audience of "Dr. Oz", 439 00:14:23,793 --> 00:14:25,123 they had to throw the episode out. 440 00:14:25,124 --> 00:14:27,087 Well, Lindsay and her friends 441 00:14:27,088 --> 00:14:29,250 did think it was pretty cool that I was on TV. 442 00:14:29,251 --> 00:14:31,846 All right, I guess I can do one more episode. 443 00:14:31,847 --> 00:14:33,976 I'm so happy! You are so cool. 444 00:14:33,977 --> 00:14:35,041 It's making me look cooler. 445 00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:36,239 Mindy? 446 00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:37,737 Hey. What's up? 447 00:14:37,738 --> 00:14:39,401 Casey. Hi. 448 00:14:39,402 --> 00:14:41,231 What a nice surprise. Casey, this is Ben. 449 00:14:41,232 --> 00:14:42,296 Ben, this is Casey. 450 00:14:42,297 --> 00:14:43,661 Casey and I were engaged, 451 00:14:43,662 --> 00:14:45,092 and we used to live together in Haiti. 452 00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:46,823 - Huh. - Yes, yes to all that. 453 00:14:46,824 --> 00:14:48,720 And then we got back together 454 00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,383 and then she left me for my best friend, 455 00:14:50,384 --> 00:14:52,846 and I still haven't gotten the apology for that, babe. 456 00:14:52,847 --> 00:14:54,843 Casey actually runs the shoe company 457 00:14:54,844 --> 00:14:56,607 that makes those sneakers that I gave you. 458 00:14:56,608 --> 00:14:57,972 Oh. Right. 459 00:14:57,973 --> 00:14:59,869 Yeah, I can't wear them to work because 460 00:14:59,870 --> 00:15:02,265 there's a naked lady on them, but they're super comfortable. 461 00:15:02,266 --> 00:15:03,563 Yeah, that's tight. Where do you work, man? 462 00:15:03,564 --> 00:15:05,394 - I'm a... - He's a television personality. 463 00:15:05,395 --> 00:15:07,623 - Oh. - He gives life-saving tips 464 00:15:07,624 --> 00:15:08,988 over America's breakfast table. 465 00:15:08,989 --> 00:15:10,352 That's tight, man, I'm gonna have to check that out 466 00:15:10,353 --> 00:15:11,950 - over my morning acai bowl. - Ooh. 467 00:15:11,951 --> 00:15:13,215 - What? - I got a health guru. 468 00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:16,676 Got me on the superfood tip, so feel real healthy. 469 00:15:16,677 --> 00:15:18,307 - I'ma get back to my table. - Okay. 470 00:15:18,308 --> 00:15:19,704 - Good to see you. - Bye. 471 00:15:19,705 --> 00:15:21,534 Later, buddy. 472 00:15:21,535 --> 00:15:23,266 Wasn't he interesting? 473 00:15:23,267 --> 00:15:25,495 He was so impressed. 474 00:15:25,496 --> 00:15:27,958 And Casey is a huge mover and shaker. 475 00:15:27,959 --> 00:15:29,156 Super. 476 00:15:29,157 --> 00:15:30,420 He knows Kanye West. 477 00:15:30,421 --> 00:15:32,517 So... that's awesome. 478 00:15:32,518 --> 00:15:35,313 - Yeah. - Yeah. 479 00:15:35,314 --> 00:15:37,043 I don't know. How is this my fault? 480 00:15:37,044 --> 00:15:38,275 I'll ask her again, fine. 481 00:15:38,276 --> 00:15:40,106 Hi. Uh, where's Ben? 482 00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:41,604 We're live in ten minutes. 483 00:15:41,605 --> 00:15:43,467 If I mess up another segment, I'll get fired. 484 00:15:43,468 --> 00:15:45,464 I dropped a pumpkin pie on Al Roker. 485 00:15:45,465 --> 00:15:47,394 Okay, listen, Cameron, do not worry. 486 00:15:47,395 --> 00:15:48,593 - I'm gonna get him. - Yeah? 487 00:15:48,594 --> 00:15:49,724 - You have to chill. - I'm chill. 488 00:15:49,725 --> 00:15:50,989 - I'm gonna call him right now. - Okay. 489 00:15:50,990 --> 00:15:56,973 Okay. Don't worry. 490 00:15:57,912 --> 00:15:59,942 Ben, it's Mindy. Where are you? 491 00:15:59,943 --> 00:16:02,337 This is the seventh message that I have left you. 492 00:16:02,338 --> 00:16:05,932 You better have died. 493 00:16:05,933 --> 00:16:07,030 Hey. 494 00:16:07,031 --> 00:16:08,161 What's up with the news crew? 495 00:16:08,162 --> 00:16:09,692 Did you mix up two babies again? 496 00:16:09,693 --> 00:16:11,456 No, wait, what are you doing here? 497 00:16:11,457 --> 00:16:14,851 I wasn't sleeping here. 498 00:16:14,852 --> 00:16:15,982 All right, fine, I slept here. 499 00:16:15,983 --> 00:16:17,247 Colette brought a girl home, 500 00:16:17,248 --> 00:16:18,579 and she put a shin guard on the doorknob. 501 00:16:18,580 --> 00:16:19,843 What... what's going on? What's wrong? 502 00:16:19,844 --> 00:16:21,275 What's wrong is that we are going 503 00:16:21,276 --> 00:16:22,639 freakin' live on "The Today Show", 504 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:23,803 and I can't find Ben. 505 00:16:23,804 --> 00:16:25,334 Oh, you can't do the segment? 506 00:16:25,335 --> 00:16:26,566 No, I need a nurse. 507 00:16:26,567 --> 00:16:29,395 Yeah, good luck with that. 508 00:16:33,190 --> 00:16:35,685 Morgan, let's get you into hair and makeup. 509 00:16:35,686 --> 00:16:37,848 So, Nurse Morgan, can you tell us the best way 510 00:16:37,849 --> 00:16:43,107 to stay moisturized these cold winter months? 511 00:16:43,108 --> 00:16:44,904 Nurse Morgan? Nurse Morgan? 512 00:16:44,905 --> 00:16:46,069 - What? - Yeah. 513 00:16:46,070 --> 00:16:47,832 - What'd you say? - Mm... I... 514 00:16:47,833 --> 00:16:49,630 Can you tell us the best way to stay moisturized 515 00:16:49,631 --> 00:16:50,828 these cold winter months? 516 00:16:50,829 --> 00:16:52,259 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 517 00:16:52,260 --> 00:16:53,690 All you do, you grab your lotion. 518 00:16:53,691 --> 00:16:54,855 - Okay. - Hopefully one that's 519 00:16:54,856 --> 00:16:56,019 got some advanced therapy in it. 520 00:16:56,020 --> 00:16:57,485 And you just want to kind of just 521 00:16:57,486 --> 00:16:59,281 - load it on right there. - Yeah. 522 00:16:59,282 --> 00:17:00,879 You know what I mean? Really slather because... 523 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:02,843 - Is that a little too much? - No, there's no such thing. 524 00:17:02,844 --> 00:17:04,307 - Okay. - Your skin is your most 525 00:17:04,308 --> 00:17:05,638 important part of your body. 526 00:17:05,639 --> 00:17:07,169 - Also, your big... - Oh! 527 00:17:07,170 --> 00:17:08,467 Jesus! 528 00:17:08,468 --> 00:17:09,832 - Oh! - Oh, no. 529 00:17:09,833 --> 00:17:11,130 I got... no, no, no, keep rolling. 530 00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:12,927 Keep rolling. 531 00:17:12,928 --> 00:17:13,991 Oh... 532 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:23,943 Hey, man, this is really uncool. 533 00:17:23,944 --> 00:17:25,075 You better call me back. 534 00:17:25,076 --> 00:17:26,139 You ditched this morning. 535 00:17:26,140 --> 00:17:27,936 Morgan broke an $8,000 camera, 536 00:17:27,937 --> 00:17:29,401 and I've been banned from "The Today Show," 537 00:17:29,402 --> 00:17:31,364 just after they lifted the last ban. 538 00:17:31,365 --> 00:17:37,349 Call me back. 539 00:17:40,817 --> 00:17:42,646 - He goes down so hard. - Oh. 540 00:17:42,647 --> 00:17:45,642 Yo, Morgan, you're trending more than Ben, man. 541 00:17:45,643 --> 00:17:47,140 Everyone's calling you Nurse Moron. 542 00:17:47,141 --> 00:17:48,338 Yeah, I know, 'cause they want 543 00:17:48,339 --> 00:17:49,935 me to be "more on" the show. 544 00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:51,333 - No. - Look at... 545 00:17:51,334 --> 00:17:53,296 Good on you, Morgan, for contributing to 546 00:17:53,297 --> 00:17:55,327 the rapid descent of straight, white men 547 00:17:55,328 --> 00:17:56,791 - in our society. - That's right, it's our turn. 548 00:17:56,792 --> 00:17:58,089 - Hoo-ah... yes. - Hell yeah. 549 00:17:58,090 --> 00:17:59,254 Yeah... oh! 550 00:17:59,255 --> 00:18:00,984 God, no matter how many times I watch it, 551 00:18:00,985 --> 00:18:02,449 I still can't remember it happening. 552 00:18:02,450 --> 00:18:03,947 So good. 553 00:18:03,948 --> 00:18:05,045 So good. 554 00:18:05,046 --> 00:18:07,907 Oh, yeah! The man of the hour! 555 00:18:07,908 --> 00:18:09,771 Thank you for not showing up this morning, 556 00:18:09,772 --> 00:18:10,936 because I don't know if you heard, 557 00:18:10,937 --> 00:18:12,632 but I am America's hot new thing. 558 00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:14,430 - Move over, computers. - Right? 559 00:18:14,431 --> 00:18:16,427 To celebrate, we're gonna have a real Hollywood party 560 00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:18,157 - at our place. - Glitz and glamour. 561 00:18:18,158 --> 00:18:19,755 Yeah... hey-oh. 562 00:18:19,756 --> 00:18:21,752 I'm gonna mix wine and ginger ale 563 00:18:21,753 --> 00:18:23,116 to make champagne. 564 00:18:23,117 --> 00:18:24,248 - Ooh. - What? 565 00:18:24,249 --> 00:18:25,546 That sounds... great. 566 00:18:25,547 --> 00:18:27,409 Hey, have you guys seen Mindy? 567 00:18:27,410 --> 00:18:29,340 I really need to talk to her. 568 00:18:29,341 --> 00:18:30,805 She went to go buy a new dress because 569 00:18:30,806 --> 00:18:33,534 she says everything she owns is too nice for our apartment. 570 00:18:34,899 --> 00:18:36,196 So she's going to the party? 571 00:18:36,197 --> 00:18:37,794 Yeah, she didn't tell you about it? 572 00:18:37,795 --> 00:18:40,389 She did. Of course, she did. 573 00:18:40,390 --> 00:18:42,453 - You're gonna go? - Yeah. Wouldn't miss it. 574 00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:44,516 Can you please bring napkins? 575 00:18:44,517 --> 00:18:46,147 And... 576 00:18:46,148 --> 00:18:48,643 I don't know, like 9 pounds of shrimp? 577 00:18:48,644 --> 00:18:50,107 - Oh, yeah. - Oh, please bring shrimp? 578 00:18:50,108 --> 00:18:51,938 Please? Please, please, please? 579 00:18:51,939 --> 00:18:53,269 - Please bring shrimp. - Please, please, please. 580 00:18:53,270 --> 00:18:54,334 Please, please, please, please? 581 00:18:54,335 --> 00:18:56,032 I'm gonna bring the napkins. 582 00:18:56,033 --> 00:18:57,562 - Okay. - I'll see you there though. 583 00:18:57,563 --> 00:18:58,861 See you, buddy. 584 00:18:58,862 --> 00:19:00,823 No, no, no, no, no, no. 585 00:19:00,824 --> 00:19:04,418 I can't. 586 00:19:04,419 --> 00:19:06,315 Come on, Morgan. I believe in you. 587 00:19:06,316 --> 00:19:07,580 I... let me see... it's kind of like a... 588 00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:08,579 it's one of these. 589 00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:09,776 You got it. 590 00:19:09,777 --> 00:19:10,875 You know what it is? 591 00:19:10,876 --> 00:19:12,905 I had more lotion on the other day. 592 00:19:12,906 --> 00:19:16,599 This one, I think we're ready. 593 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:17,831 Come on, Morgan! 594 00:19:17,832 --> 00:19:19,594 We want to see you be Nurse Moron like on TV. 595 00:19:19,595 --> 00:19:21,791 I'm trying, okay? I'm not like a trained monkey 596 00:19:21,792 --> 00:19:24,487 that can just do stuff... forget it, I'm out of here. 597 00:19:24,488 --> 00:19:25,552 - Oh! - Jesus! 598 00:19:25,553 --> 00:19:26,750 Oh! My salsa! 599 00:19:26,751 --> 00:19:28,480 I cut off my fingertip chopping the cilantro. 600 00:19:33,441 --> 00:19:39,424 Oh. 601 00:19:44,723 --> 00:19:47,251 Hey, don't look at me like that, Charlemagne. 602 00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:48,982 The drinks at this party are small. 603 00:19:48,983 --> 00:19:50,513 You have to have a lot of them. 604 00:19:50,514 --> 00:19:51,977 Leave me alone. 605 00:19:51,978 --> 00:19:53,541 There's nothing sadder than 606 00:19:53,542 --> 00:19:55,072 a beautiful girl who can't find glassware. 607 00:19:55,073 --> 00:19:56,570 Oh. Hey. 608 00:19:56,571 --> 00:19:57,868 Can I ask a question? 609 00:19:57,869 --> 00:19:59,932 23 capfuls is like how many drinks? 610 00:19:59,933 --> 00:20:03,659 Um, I don't know, let me try to catch up. 611 00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:05,556 - What should we drink to? - I don't know, man. 612 00:20:05,557 --> 00:20:07,020 Boyfriends who ghost on you. 613 00:20:07,021 --> 00:20:09,383 Break-ups that you don't even understand. 614 00:20:09,384 --> 00:20:11,047 Spilling on the ground. 615 00:20:12,346 --> 00:20:13,676 How about to chance encounters 616 00:20:13,677 --> 00:20:14,974 on the subway, with old friends? 617 00:20:14,975 --> 00:20:17,137 Whoa. What happened? 618 00:20:17,138 --> 00:20:18,435 - Oh, us. - Yeah. 619 00:20:18,436 --> 00:20:20,232 - Cool. - Cheers. 620 00:20:20,233 --> 00:20:22,662 I bet you like, like kids are gonna start 621 00:20:22,663 --> 00:20:24,326 kind of doing the... you know, do the Morgan. 622 00:20:24,327 --> 00:20:25,957 Do the Morgan. 623 00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,788 Oh, my God, what if Weird Al does a song parody? 624 00:20:27,789 --> 00:20:29,052 Oh... sorry. 625 00:20:29,053 --> 00:20:30,916 Yeah! What's up, man? 626 00:20:30,917 --> 00:20:32,148 - How are ya? - Oh, yeah. 627 00:20:32,149 --> 00:20:33,612 Come on in. 628 00:20:33,613 --> 00:20:34,910 Let's see what you're working with. 629 00:20:34,911 --> 00:20:36,507 - Come on, do a little spin. - Oh, this old thing? 630 00:20:36,508 --> 00:20:38,304 Little more. Jesus, you got a great body. 631 00:20:38,305 --> 00:20:39,302 Uh, don't say that. 632 00:20:39,303 --> 00:20:41,565 - You wear clothes good. - Hey. 633 00:20:41,566 --> 00:20:44,994 Got you napkins. 634 00:20:44,995 --> 00:20:47,224 - Oh. - No one brought shrimp. 635 00:20:47,225 --> 00:20:48,688 Sorry about that. 636 00:20:48,689 --> 00:20:50,352 Wish you could eat napkins. But you can't! 637 00:20:50,353 --> 00:20:51,950 - Come on, meet some peeps. - Oh, okay. 638 00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:54,046 How'd you come up with the Sistine Chapel? 639 00:20:54,047 --> 00:20:55,877 It's actually based on a real place. 640 00:20:55,878 --> 00:20:57,741 Hey, will you say something to me in Latin? 641 00:20:57,742 --> 00:20:59,837 Yeah, um... 642 00:20:59,838 --> 00:21:03,364 Pedicabo ego vos in nocte. 643 00:21:03,365 --> 00:21:04,763 Wow. That was cool. 644 00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,227 That sounded like a Harry Potter spell. 645 00:21:06,228 --> 00:21:07,292 What does it mean? 646 00:21:07,293 --> 00:21:10,321 It means you 647 00:21:10,322 --> 00:21:16,305 have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. 648 00:21:17,910 --> 00:21:20,205 - And he told me to shut up... - Mm, mm. 649 00:21:20,206 --> 00:21:22,202 'Cause I was talking so loud, he's like, "Shut up!" you know. 650 00:21:22,203 --> 00:21:23,833 And this is his girlfriend. 651 00:21:23,834 --> 00:21:27,028 And, uh, you know, I remembered I got his number 652 00:21:27,029 --> 00:21:28,858 because we kind of got into it a little bit. 653 00:21:28,859 --> 00:21:30,855 Pamela? I don't know. 654 00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:32,486 But, uh, she's pretty cool. 655 00:21:32,487 --> 00:21:34,150 Oh, God. 656 00:21:34,151 --> 00:21:35,714 Oh, God. Ben? 657 00:21:35,715 --> 00:21:36,979 Ben, just wait, wait. 658 00:21:36,980 --> 00:21:39,208 Hey! Who let this guy in here? 659 00:21:39,209 --> 00:21:42,370 Come on, man, where you been, best friend? 660 00:21:42,371 --> 00:21:44,135 - Ahh. - Hey. 661 00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:45,499 I got news for you, brother. 662 00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:47,663 This party sucks. Let's get out of here. 663 00:21:47,664 --> 00:21:49,493 Ben. Ben! 664 00:21:49,494 --> 00:21:50,691 Stop! 665 00:21:50,692 --> 00:21:52,022 Stop. I didn't mean to do that, okay? 666 00:21:52,023 --> 00:21:53,552 I was just really drunk. 667 00:21:53,553 --> 00:21:55,117 Oh, you were drunk? 668 00:21:55,118 --> 00:21:56,482 That makes it okay then. 669 00:21:56,483 --> 00:21:58,278 I guess I'll just go pound some beers 670 00:21:58,279 --> 00:22:01,141 and bang some random skank in a bathroom stall. 671 00:22:01,142 --> 00:22:02,739 Okay, this escalated very quickly. 672 00:22:02,740 --> 00:22:04,103 Yeah, it escalated. 673 00:22:04,104 --> 00:22:06,100 We have one small fight and... and I find you 674 00:22:06,101 --> 00:22:08,130 kissing some crappy mystery writer. 675 00:22:08,131 --> 00:22:10,360 First of all, he writes historo-thrillers. 676 00:22:10,361 --> 00:22:11,790 - They suck. - Second of all, 677 00:22:11,791 --> 00:22:13,355 it wasn't a little fight. 678 00:22:13,356 --> 00:22:15,285 I haven't heard from you in two days. 679 00:22:15,286 --> 00:22:16,617 How many times did I have to tell you? 680 00:22:16,618 --> 00:22:18,580 I didn't want to do that stupid show. 681 00:22:18,581 --> 00:22:21,142 And how come every time you introduce me to people 682 00:22:21,143 --> 00:22:23,040 you never tell them that I'm a nurse? 683 00:22:23,041 --> 00:22:24,571 That's not true. 684 00:22:24,572 --> 00:22:26,468 - I tell people all the time. - No, you don't. 685 00:22:26,469 --> 00:22:28,032 Well, I don't want to sit here and argue with you about that. 686 00:22:28,033 --> 00:22:30,262 Mindy? 687 00:22:30,263 --> 00:22:31,360 Oh, damn it. 688 00:22:31,361 --> 00:22:33,656 - How you doing? - Not great, Josh. 689 00:22:33,657 --> 00:22:35,387 I'm having a huge fight with my boyfriend. 690 00:22:35,388 --> 00:22:36,918 Hi, I'm Josh. 691 00:22:36,919 --> 00:22:38,249 Mindy and I used to date. 692 00:22:38,250 --> 00:22:39,846 But I don't remember most of it. 693 00:22:39,847 --> 00:22:40,845 I was super high the whole time. 694 00:22:40,846 --> 00:22:42,876 - Hi. - Hey. 695 00:22:42,877 --> 00:22:44,905 Josh, this is Ben. Ben, this is Josh. 696 00:22:44,906 --> 00:22:46,770 Ben is a nurse, which, apparently, 697 00:22:46,771 --> 00:22:48,732 is as important as being the President. 698 00:22:48,733 --> 00:22:50,097 Wait a minute. 699 00:22:50,098 --> 00:22:51,528 Did we just see you on "The Today Show"? 700 00:22:51,529 --> 00:22:53,059 Yeah, wash your hands and... 701 00:22:53,060 --> 00:22:54,657 "Don't cough on people, dum-dums." 702 00:22:54,658 --> 00:22:55,922 - Yeah, we love that. - Yeah, that's me. 703 00:22:55,923 --> 00:22:57,586 See? They loved it. 704 00:22:57,587 --> 00:22:59,849 I don't care! 705 00:22:59,850 --> 00:23:01,579 Well. 706 00:23:01,580 --> 00:23:03,210 Cool, seems like I've walked into 707 00:23:03,211 --> 00:23:04,707 the middle of something here, and me and Brianna 708 00:23:04,708 --> 00:23:06,671 just had our own fight about fidelity issues, 709 00:23:06,672 --> 00:23:08,069 so we're gonna head out. 710 00:23:08,070 --> 00:23:10,565 Nice to meet you, Nurse Ben. 711 00:23:10,566 --> 00:23:13,561 Uh, Mindy, as always, it was 712 00:23:13,562 --> 00:23:15,690 awkward and confusing to see you. 713 00:23:15,691 --> 00:23:17,754 So, okay. Bye. 714 00:23:17,755 --> 00:23:19,950 - Good-bye, good-bye, good-bye. - Bye. 715 00:23:19,951 --> 00:23:23,145 Oh, my God, how many men in this city have you dated? 716 00:23:23,146 --> 00:23:25,708 Kind of a lot, I guess. And I guess it depends on 717 00:23:25,709 --> 00:23:27,405 your definition of dating and men. 718 00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:30,168 Look, I am sorry that I pushed that show on you. 719 00:23:30,169 --> 00:23:32,464 I was just trying to do something nice for you, okay? 720 00:23:32,465 --> 00:23:33,762 I was trying to help you. 721 00:23:33,763 --> 00:23:35,060 I don't need your help. 722 00:23:35,061 --> 00:23:37,023 I'm perfectly fine with who I am, 723 00:23:37,024 --> 00:23:38,920 but you keep trying to make me into something 724 00:23:38,921 --> 00:23:41,649 that you think your boyfriend needs to be. 725 00:23:41,650 --> 00:23:42,682 Something I'm not. 726 00:23:42,683 --> 00:23:43,913 But you could be! 727 00:23:47,075 --> 00:23:48,473 All this time you've been wondering 728 00:23:48,474 --> 00:23:51,934 if I'm good enough for you, huh? 729 00:23:51,935 --> 00:23:55,129 But you know what, Mindy? 730 00:23:55,130 --> 00:23:57,092 I don't think you're good enough for me. 731 00:23:59,256 --> 00:24:01,552 ♪ I'ma be your love when the fire burn ♪ 732 00:24:01,553 --> 00:24:05,213 ♪ When the blessed turn I'ma be your love ♪ 733 00:24:05,214 --> 00:24:08,907 ♪ When the crazy world turn to Hell on Earth ♪ 734 00:24:08,908 --> 00:24:11,968 ♪ I'ma be your love I'ma be your ♪ 735 00:24:11,969 --> 00:24:16,295 ♪ Love ♪ 736 00:24:16,296 --> 00:24:17,926 ♪ I'ma be your love ♪ 737 00:24:17,927 --> 00:24:19,890 ♪ I'ma be your love ♪ 738 00:24:19,891 --> 00:24:21,853 ♪ Oh, I'ma be your love ♪ 739 00:24:21,854 --> 00:24:25,548 ♪ When the crazy world turn to Hell on Earth ♪ 740 00:24:25,549 --> 00:24:28,643 ♪ I'ma be your love I'ma be your ♪ 741 00:24:28,644 --> 00:24:31,006 ♪ Love, love ♪ 742 00:24:31,007 --> 00:24:32,803 ♪ Love, love ♪ 743 00:24:32,804 --> 00:24:34,733 ♪ I'ma be your love ♪ 744 00:24:34,734 --> 00:24:37,063 ♪ I'ma be your love ♪ 745 00:24:37,064 --> 00:24:38,761 ♪ Love ♪ 746 00:24:38,762 --> 00:24:40,225 ♪ Love, love ♪ 747 00:24:40,226 --> 00:24:42,513 ♪ I'ma be your love ♪